I couldn't face people, it was too much after being exposed to a trauma. All I wanted at that time was to recover. Was going through a tormenting time. Tried so many things to get back into the real world but none of them were working when creation has hit back.
The longing for beauty was silently unfolding mysteries and I was not afraid of conveying my ideas anymore. For the first time I had courage. Nothing had anything to do with the world. It was all about me, my own universe, my own values and how have I been arranging them. After it has all collapsed like a sand castle I was facing the challenge of putting it back into place. But was that its place to begin with? Did it really belong into that position. So I shut everyone out and slowly started to puzzle the pieces of me together.
Once crying over a touching film, now I could not feel and would not understand feelings. For me feelings have become just a difficult hassle over a big empty space. And I could see no sense in anything they stood for.
Logic on the other hand, was beautiful. The lean unshadowed thinking was proving wonderful and I could make decisions easily without having to take "others" into consideration.
At the same time I had no consideration for people who in my mind were proving to be common. I would just retrieve quietly with no comments or remarks. Although I did not have them, I was very aware I was the only one and had to respect other people's choice, so I did.
Although the feelings were escaping me, poetry seemed to just want to be my soul mate, so I started putting it down and it went onto this blog that later has removed all posts, thus my poems being lost forever. I now have no proof even to myself that I did write. It’s just been stripped off. In time my state of mind was changing and I did not find much inspirattion. Then one day I started this blog. Just for me.
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